When you're starting a new relationship, it's important for the couple to sit down together and set boundaries. These can be physical boundaries or even just relationship boundaries. They're designed to protect both people and make sure the relationship can progress at a rate that is comfortable for both people.

Why Set Boundaries?

Setting boundaries when you're in a dating relationship – or any relationship – helps you retain who you are. It also helps you determine how much time you'll spend with the other person and how much money you'll spend on the person you're dating. Lots of people, especially women, tend to forget everyone else when they're dating someone new.

It also helps both the men and the women in the dating relationship determine what they think is acceptable and what is not. It helps you protect your body, your mind, your feelings and even your reactions.

For instance, some people don't want to kiss on a first date or even a third date. Some couples have sex on the first date. Men and women have different boundaries, as do different individuals. When you're dating someone, especially someone new, it's important to determine what those boundaries are early on. And remember, in a dating relationship, you typically pick up where you left off in your last relationship, so you may want to re-evaluate your boundaries, your goals and your plans.

What Kind of Boundaries Are There?

For dating and every other kind of relationship, there are five main types of boundaries. It's especially important for people who are changing the way they view themselves to have set boundaries and to stand by them, not sit idly and let them be pushed.

Physical: What kind of touching is acceptable? Hand-holding? Kissing? Hugging? Sex? What kind of playfulness is okay? Cuddling? Wrestling on the floor? Consider what you're okay with and what you don't want to be a part of your dating relationships.
Mental: Has to do with the mind and how it's treated. Do you hate when men or women you're dating are manipulative or play games? Do you hate being called names? Or feel that certain derogatory words shouldn't be used – ever? Set your boundaries and stick by them.
Spiritual: Consider your religious beliefs and how you expect a dating partner to respond to them. Keep in mind the type of beliefs you want the person you're dating to have and how far you can go with someone who doesn't believe the way you do.
Emotional: Do you hate when the person you're dating make you feel like your second best or not worth it? Do you hate when the person you're dating does things to or says things to make you feel bad about yourself? Determine for yourself what's allowable and what's crossing the line.
Sexual: Regards anything sexual including foreplay, oral sex, intercourse and even the type of intercourse or locations where you'll have intercourse. This can also pertain to cheating or having more than one partner. Consider your boundaries and why they're there, and the ramifications if the person you're dating crosses them.

The Importance of Boundaries

You need to know where you draw the line so you can express that to others. It's also beneficial to know why that's your line.

If you've been in a dating relationship men or women, including sibling, parents or friends, who are mentally abusive, name-calling, even playful name-calling might be out. Likewise, someone who has been in a physically-abusive or sexually-abusive dating relationship might not want to have sex or partake in any other physical intimacy for some time.

Setting boundaries with a dating partner also lets you know how to proceed if the line is crossed. If you've decided to have a certain number of dates before you hug, kiss, have sex or say "I love you," you also need to decide what you, personally or as a couple, will do if that doesn't happen.

If the men or women you date have different boundaries than you, someone will have to compromise. Compromise isn't always bad, it can make the relationship stronger. Make sure, though, that if you have firm convictions about something, like waiting until you've been dating six months before introducing your dating partner to your child, don't let the other person pressure you into doing something, like meet your kid after 6 days. Or, if you've taken out a restraining order on someone you're dating for physical violence, don't continue to date that person, despite that person's excuses or pleas.

On the other hand, if the person you're dating wants to wait until you're married before you become sexually active, and you have been in the past, it might be worthwhile to wait. Some people worry the sex won't be good, so if that's a concern it might be a good time to end the dating relationship. That's why boundaries in place. Or, if you're working 70 hours per week and the person you're dating wants you to cut back so you can spend more time together, it might be worthwhile to see if you can cut back to 50 or 60.

Boundaries in dating relationships are incredibly important. No matter what your boundaries, you need to know what they are and how you'll react when they're crossed.